the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
