Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
