why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
