If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
