I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
