I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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