I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
