the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
