I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize