So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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