So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize