So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
