So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
