Too much gin, very little bucket
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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