Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
