and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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