i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
