I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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