Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
