You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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