So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
