some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize