I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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