I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
