Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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