absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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