found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
