fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
