Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
