Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
