Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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