Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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