And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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