Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish I only lived at night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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