Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
