just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
