A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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