I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize