he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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