I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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