where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
