she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
