Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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