I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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