Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
