Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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