either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize