How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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