girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
