I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
