I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
vagina is talking i cant
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
