She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
