just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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