you mean i was at the winter classic?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
