so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
