If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize