i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Define "chronic" masturbator.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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