You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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