Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
