white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
