I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
