I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
