there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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