i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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