those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
