Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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