I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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